"If the basic story is not something an audience will want to see, no amount of rewriting can fix it."
Treatment Writing Component
Author Name: JaneWooi
Title of Show: Unconditional Love
Format of Show: TV Drama Series
Target Audience: Young Adults & Parents
Opportunity/Problem Addressed: Might be a good show for the target audience but problems may arise during the process of shooting.
Desired Response: Known and spread among peers, people start sharing in social networks
Logline: Better to be late than never as David found his true love and experience the whole lovey dovey moment again in his life with Jane, then decided to divorce his wife. Will his actions destroy his family? Is he blinded by infatuation or is it really pure love?
Treatment 1
Synopsis:
A successful young man named David believes that he has it all- a great job, a house, a wife, and the best of all, an adorable 7 year old son named Jake. He knows that he was lucky and is famous among his colleagues.
One day David was assigned with a project connected with another company which he has to work with as a representative from his company. There he met Amy, his co-assistant from the other company to work on the big project.
As time goes by, he realized that both of them had in common and he fell for her. David didn't know what to do and tries to hide from his wife Kate as much as he can. But soon, their marriage was not as it used to be. Kate realizes some changes in David but kept quiet while David pretends nothing was happening and enjoyed his time with Amy as much as he can until midnight.
David's marriage was affected as he wants to divorce with Kate but with conditions before he gets to divorce her. During that period in obeying her conditions, David began to realize something that he had missed while he was blinded.
Theme: Moral value based, family orientated
David got home one night as his wife was serving dinner, David hold Kate's hand and said, "I’ve got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly while he observes the pain in her eyes.
David kept quiet. But he had to let her know what he was thinking. David wants a divorce. He raised the topic calmly. Kate didn’t seem to be annoyed by his words, instead she asked him softly, "why?"
He avoided her question and made her angry. She threw the chopsticks and shouted at David, "You are not a man!" That night, both of them didn’t talk to each other. Kate was weeping as she thought to herself what had happened to their marriage.
With a deep sense of guilt, David drafted a divorce agreement which states that she could own their house, car, and 30% stake of his company. Kate glances and then tears it into pieces. She had spent ten years of her life with him and had become a stranger. He felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what he had said for he loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of David, The idea of divorce which had obsessed him for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, David came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. He didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because he was tired after an eventful day with Amy. When he woke up, Kate was still there at the table writing.
In the morning Kate presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from David, but a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month they both struggle to live a normal life as possible. Her reasons were simple: their son's exams are in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him regarding their broken marriage.
David couldn't agree more. But she had something more, she asked him to recall how he had carried her into and out from the bridal room on their wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration he carry her out of their bedroom to the front door ever morning. David thought she was going crazy but accept the request just to make their last days together bearable.
David then tells Amy about his wife’s divorce conditions. Amy laughs loudly and thought it is absurd.
David and his wife hadn’t had any body contact since his divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when he carried her out on the first day, both appeared clumsy. Their son clapped behind them, "daddy is holding mommy in his arms." His son word's brought David a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, David walked over ten meters with Kate in his arms.
On the second day, it was much easier. Kate leaned on David's chest and he could smell the fragrance of her blouse. Then realize that he hadn’t look at this woman carefully for a long time. He realizes she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was greying. Their marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute he wondered what he had done to her.
On the fourth day, when he lifts her up, David felt a sense of intimacy returning. This is the woman who had given ten years of her life to him. On the fifth and sixth day, he realized that their sense of intimacy is growing again. David didn’t tell Amy about this. It became easier to carry Kate as the month slipped by.
One morning, Kate was trying to pick a blouse. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one and sighed, all her dresses have grown bigger. David suddenly realizes that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why he could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit him that she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously he reaches out and touches her head.
Their son came in and said, "Dad, it’s time to carry mom out." To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. Kate gestured to their son to come closer and hugged him tightly. David turned his face away because he was afraid he might change his mind at this very last minute. He then held her in his arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded his neck softly and naturally. David held her body tightly; it was just like their wedding day.
On the last day, when David held her in his arms he could hardly move a step. Their son had gone to school. He held her tightly and said, "I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy." He drove to his office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. He walked upstairs. Amy open the door and David say to her, "Sorry Amy, I do not want the divorce anymore."
Amy looked at him, astonished, and then touched his forehead. "Do you have a fever?" She said. David moved her hand off his head. "Sorry, Amy, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until deaths do us apart." She gave David a loud slap and then slammed the door. David left to the floral shop on the way and ordered a bouquet of flowers. The card written: "I’ll carry you out every morning until deaths do us apart."
That evening he arrive home with flowers, a smile on his face, he run up stairs only to find his wife in the bed, dead. Kate has been fighting cancer for months and David was so busy with Jane to even notice. Kate knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save David from the negative reaction from their son, in case they push through with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of their son; David is a loving husband.
On the last day, when David held her in his arms he could hardly move a step. Their son had gone to school. He held her tightly and said, "I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy." He drove to his office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. He walked upstairs. Amy open the door and David say to her, "Sorry Amy, I do not want the divorce anymore."
Amy looked at him, astonished, and then touched his forehead. "Do you have a fever?" She said. David moved her hand off his head. "Sorry, Amy, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until deaths do us apart." She gave David a loud slap and then slammed the door. David left to the floral shop on the way and ordered a bouquet of flowers. The card written: "I’ll carry you out every morning until deaths do us apart."
That evening he arrive home with flowers, a smile on his face, he run up stairs only to find his wife in the bed, dead. Kate has been fighting cancer for months and David was so busy with Jane to even notice. Kate knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save David from the negative reaction from their son, in case they push through with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of their son; David is a loving husband.
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"Writing a treatment before you write your next screenplay can help you work out problems and determine whether your story idea is a diamond in the rough, or just a lump of coal. The goal is to combine stories told from the heart with a deep understanding of what other people want to see."
Author Name: JaneWooi
Title of Show: Love Always Hopes
Format of Show: TV Drama Series
Target Audience: Young Adults & Parents
Opportunity/Problem Addressed: Might be a good show for the target audience but problems may arise during the process of shooting.
Desired Response: Known and spread among peers, people start sharing in social networks
Logline: A journey of life as Anne dreams of embarking her childhood dream to pursue her future. Everything went well but what she didn’t know what was about to happen might stop her from achieving her childhood dream.
Treatment 2
Synopsis:
Anne is a joyful girl where everything in life seems good in her eyes. She enjoys and appreciates every single thing around her. Like every other child, she has her own dreams as well.
With a loving caring family, Anne has a habit of being clumsy sometimes and was overlooked as a normal habitual attitude as her dad also has the same habit as well. What she did not know and soon realize was, she was having Spinocerebellar ataxia (SCA) a fatal and incurable disease that handicaps the body.
As her family dreads to not tell her, Anne soon found out herself due to the symptoms that she was having. This is the turning point for Anne. She started questioning people, herself and God, “Why me?”
With her disease, Anne chose to live her life to the fullest despite her body slowing failing her. She still play sports but missed certain catch, loves writing but her coordination of hands is also failing her. Life seems so easy at the very beginning and now everything is the other way round.
Themes: Inspirational, Encouragement
Anne is a lively girl, wherever she goes, she brings joy along with her. She has the personality that everyone loves. But one thing that brings her down is her clumsiness. Though most people would definitely tease her, she wouldn’t take it personally and admits how clumsy she is.
Her loving family are able to provide all their family needs and lived a contented life. Her siblings too go along together as normal kids would do, fight and argue. But as the eldest in her family, Anne is very much patient with her siblings and people around her.
One day when Anne was on the way to Uni, she fell straight to the ground due to her clumsiness. Her mom quickly send her to the hospital and realises something was wrong and unusual. Last time, Anne was not as clumsy as she is but now she’s getting even clumsier until to the extent of hurting herself.
So her mom decides to get Anne a check up, Anne just agree and went along with it. While waiting for the results, both of them were in relief and didn’t expect the worst.
As Anne happily continues her daily routine with clubs and activities in Uni, she sometimes experience certain weird feelings but choose to ignore it, she thought she was too tired and had not enough rest. When she was playing captain ball, suddenly she couldn’t catch the ball and her feet wouldn’t move.
When the results are out, her parents decided not to tell her but they told her that it was just a minor disease that can be healed. In the mean time they asked her to take her medicine as well. So Anne as jovial as she can be, felt so relief and can’t wait to continue with her activities after she is completely healed from her fall injury.
Anne participated in competitions and is usually picked to be the representatives in clubs. She will never say no, and her responsibilities usually get things done fast. Lecturers know her existence so do people around her including the staff workers.
One day, Anne started experiencing her lack of coordination in walking, writing and reading even more. She couldn’t do her homework and then she starts researching on diseases that she was experiencing. Then she found out Spinocerebellar ataxia (SCA) and realises that she is experiencing the same symptoms. Suddenly Anne’s mom knocked on the door and came in smiling with a hot drink. Her mom was shock to see what she was reading.
Anne then asks her mom calmly if she is having what she is seeing now, her mom kept quiet for a moment. And reply with a sad tone, a yes. Anne, couldn’t believe that her future is destroyed but choose to enjoy every moment while she can, and do everything while she is still mobile.
Soon, Anne went off and on in the Hospital for checkups and treatments to prepare herself. Her strong will to not give up gave her parents hope. People around her too, respect and look up to what Anne was going through in her life with no regrets.
As time goes by, her disease deteriorate and had gone worst, she had to be either bed ridden or be on the wheelchair. Her family still supports her with love and care - the pain on her family’s faces. This incurable disease had made an impact on people around Anne because of her will to go on with life. But soon the disease mutated too fast and she left her family behind.
All her family ever wanted to see is Anne living a happy life while struggling with the disease and they’re dreams are fulfilled as the last words from Anne is, “I’m happy and ready to go.”
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"Screenwriters often forget that they are writing for an audience."
Author Name: JaneWooi
Title of Show: Having the Unseen
Format of Show: Documentary
Target Audience: Young Adults & Parents
Opportunity/Problem Addressed: Might be a good show for the target audience but problems may arise during the process of shooting.
Desired Response: Known and spread among peers, people start sharing in social networks
Logline: Every family has their own share of stories, you and I too has our own story. Daniel has his own too, but you will never expect to see how courages he is despite his lost and nightmares that kept hunting him every now and then.
Treatment 3
Synopsis:
Daniel lost his parents on a very bad accident and now an orphan living out in a rented house. He doesn’t really share much about his story unless you are somebody whom he can really rely and trust on.
He is now on a wheelchair, previously he cared what people would say about him but now he has the courage to go all out without worrying what would people say and think about him. He got use to the stares that people would give him and take it as a compliment instead.
Themes: Inspirational, short life story, religious
Daniel, a simple guy which looks perfectly normal from the outside and from the Inside, a guy that learns so much from his life since young. In this, we will see what he sees from his point of view.
He goes through his daily life as usual, he plays sports, plays the guitar, has friends around him, do not look down on himself even when he’s on the wheelchair. He wheels himself around like a car. Sometimes seeing people around - families happy would make him happy as well. Because they remind him of his family.
His struggles to get around maybe a hindrance for him. But nothing can stop him from achieving his dream to be a future motivational speaker. So this story pretty much of a show and a voice over regarding him.
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"Writing a treatment helps a screenwriter assess his or her work wherever they are in their process."
References:
- http://www.movieoutline.com/articles/how-to-write-a-treatment.html
- http://www.lightsfilmschool.com/articles/treatments/index.html
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spinocerebellar_ataxia
